🎼 Ah, freak out! Le freak, c’est chic.

Not really. Not chic. More like I'm freaking out over PDiddy’s freak off orgies. They scare me. The closest I’ve ever come to a “freak off” was when my husband and I were still just dating, and we’d do ski weekends in Vermont. Those were the days! We’d get up super early, ski all day, come back to our place, peel off our wet clothes, and hang in just our thermals, set a fire, put on the tv and light a joint… Oh my God, so cozy! We’d rent these cool ski in- ski out condos, with a communal gym, indoor pool and outdoor hot tub. My husband (then boyfriend) wanted to check out the hottub. “Grab your suit, let's go” OCD me would normally never even consider doing this, but because our relationship was new, I had no choice but to pretend I was a cool girl, up for anything. Look how fun I am?! 😬 And there it was, the hottub… with people already in it. 😬 Strangers. We got in. (Omg I’m so cool) After saying hello and sharing pleasantries, I looked down at the water. And with closer inspection, I noticed thousands of white flakes, specks covering the top of the water…skin cells. I sat frozen like a statue the entire time, while crying on the inside, just waiting for enough time to pass so I could receive my cool girl trophy. To this day I can't get in a hot tub and dry heave gag just thinking about it as you probably are right now reading about floating dead skin.

What? Not Freak offish enough for you? Trust me, if I had any balls I’d be on OnlyFans right now. Could use the cash. Apparently they have something for everyone. Do they have a space for an old mop cranky complainer that yells while NOT taking off her clothes? Sign me up! But I’m just a nerd. A prude. A proud nerd prude. Hollywood & the music industry and their Eyes Wide Shut private societies and secret sex stuff, orgies…scares me. But the scariest part in all of this is that Diddy’s music streams jumped after his arrest and indictment. What the what?! Who is downloading his music? It’s like Trump & Harris being neck n neck in the polls? How? Who? Why? Seriously America what the hell?

Yes he really said this! 😱 Let’s check out some more crazy….

Useless Thoughts

Who’s that girl? Bonjour Paris fashion week and Madonna. That is Madonna right? Hard to tell with her covered in that sexy lace…burka? (oxymoron) Yep it’s her. Typical Madonna showing up at the Dolce show with a new head, boobs popping out, looking certifiable and giving zero f*cks. Can you AI your face? I think she has. I will always love Madonna, just like I love all Icons and legends. Do I wish she’d just age naturally and beautifully like Audrey Hepburn? Absolutely. But that’s not up to me, or up to anyone but her. Do I wish we were all on the same page about aging and doing it gracefully instead of hacking up our faces? Sure, but you go try and control Madonna. Good luck with that.😵

Speaking of Burkas & Icons, Meryl Streep used her fame, power and time to speak at the UN General Assembly to fight for women in Afghanistan. “A squirrel has more rights than a girl in Afghanistan today because the public parks have been closed to women and girls by the Taliban." A bird may sing in Kabul, but a girl may not in public. This is extraordinary. This is a suppression of the natural law. "The way that this culture, this society has been upended, is a cautionary tale for the rest of the world," said Streep.

Her comments come after the Taliban government just introduced a new set of “morality laws” Besides women having to completely cover their faces and bodies, and being prevented from going to school and parks, they now can no longer speak outside their homes.

If only they would teach this in schools. Then maybe all these useless idiots protesting around the world would wake up and realize they’re supporting the Taliban Terrorists! 🤯

Knock knock. Who’s there? Another staged photo of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds holding hands while out for a stroll. So dumb! Don't they have a house full of kids? When they're not shooting, why aren't they home with their family? Who’s in charge of their PR? This walking around the city, holding hands everyday stunt is not working? It’s annoying. It's like they’re trying to make me hate them. Ryan is in two of the funniest movies I watch on repeat; The Change-Up and Just Friends. Be that Ryan. Stop with this shitty version.👎

Speaking of being home with your kids? Hoda Kotb just announced she’s leaving The Today Show to spend more time with her girls. She wants to be able to walk them to school and just be there for them. Love that! Respect! You can't get that time back. You can have all the money in the world, but there’s only one thing you can't buy with it…time!

Which reminds me of the Kansas lyric from “Dust in the Wind”…

Margot Robbie & Jacob Elordi to star in a new remake of Wuthering Heights. Yes please! The original version with Laurence Olivier, Merle Oberon and David Niven was released in 1939. I can definitely get behind a remake if the original was 85 years ago. This new cast just screams SEXY! I wish Ryan Gosling was also in it. I know, we’ve seen Ryan with Margot in Barbie, but he was ugly in Barbie with that silly white/blonde haircut. Nothing sexy about Ryan as Ken, well until he sang, I’m just Ken at the Oscars. I mean…. #getontopofme 🔥

Remakes & Sequels & Reboots Oh My!

Never been a fan of remakes. Let's take something that’s absolutely perfect, brilliant and scrap it and redo it? Makes zero sense. Here’s an idea: how about you remake a shitty movie. Like Meet the Parents. Sorry, I just think it could have been so much better. The funniest moment of the whole film was the sister getting hit in the face in the pool.

What about a sequel of a brilliant film? No thank you! No sequels! Just leave it. Bridget Jones’s Diary is the perfect example of a movie I wanted left as is. Just like Mark Darcy says, “I like you just as you are” And they're literally filming the fourth Bridget sequel now. Ugh no! Just Stop it! I refuse to watch. As far as I’m concerned, after Bridget and Mark finally kissed, they come in from the cold and warm up on the couch, the end, forever, period, full stop.

How about reboots? I guess okay. I get it there's tons of money to be made on sequels and reboots. It’s just everything gets a little dimmer. Like making a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy. Doesn't feel original, or unique and never looks as good. But whatever, I don't care, unless we’re talking about the Frasier reboot. That show was already so dull and now it's back?

…. I think I just said it.

And Finally…

Dying to watch the new Kristen Bell Adam Brody Netflix show, Nobody Wants This! Living for it!

The reviews are on fire, comparing it to When Harry Met Sally! Huge, that’s maybe the best rom-com ever made. But I haven’t binged just yet. I don’t want to rush watching it. But I will this weekend, and put my thermals on, set a fire, and light a joint. Can’t wait! 😄

So I’ll get back to you on my review, but for now here are links to a bunch…

• The Impeccable Smoothness of ‘Nobody Wants This' [Vulture]

• 'Nobody Wants This' Review: A Weightless Romance [Variety]

• Slate: The Next Great Rom-Com Series Is Here [SLATE]

• Kristen Bell and Adam Brody Share Crackling Chemistry in Netflix’s Frustratingly Uneven Rom-Com [Hollywood Reporter]

Saturday Night Live is back this weekend. With Jean Smart and Jelly Roll. Jelly Roll? Maybe that should be my handle name on OnlyFans! 😂

We really need SNL since it's an election year. Looking forward to Maya’s Rudoph’s Kamala. Wonder what their first cold opening will be? Maybe the Vice Presidential debate? It’s on Tuesday, so….

Wonder who will play Waltz and Vance? Stay tuned!

Until next time folks! Check out my new post on Instagram later today and please send my newsletter to all your friends and tell them to subscribe!

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And…Sorry you can’t unread this! 🤪